loss of hope

I felt so hopeful at the beginning of the year. Why? I am foolish.

Hope is fading quickly.

Pain, emptiness. That is really all I know.

1,057.5 KCal; B/S 143 @ 12am: did not take insulin with last meal.

Daily total run down:

B/S 143 with no insulin...

2 meals plus glass of soy milk @ midnight

1st Meal Totals: 287.5 KCal; 12g P; 4g F; 112g C; 1,162mg Na
2nd Meal Totals: 640 KCal, 25g P; 6g F; 241g C; 3503mg Na
Soy milk Total: 130 KCal; 5g P; 3g F; 23g Cl 105mg Na

Daily Totals: 1057.5 KCal; 42g P; 13g F; 376g C; 4,770mg NA

640 Kcal 8 PM B/S 94

Ate remaining 2/3 of Bean/Rotel/Corn mix in a can of tomato soup:

Meal Totals: 640 KCal, 25g P; 6g F; 241g C; 3503mg Na

11 AM B/S 106, 2 PM B/S 61, ate at 2 PM

Did not eat in the beginning of day. Ate first meal at 2 PM, consisted of 2 corn tortillas and 1/3 of Black Bean-Rotel-Corn Mixture

Meal Total: 287.5 KCal; 12g P; 4g F; 112g C; 1,162mg Na.

Took 20 units of Apidra.

Kick start day 5. 6 am (Rising?) B/S 72. No sleep.

Feet feel like they are covered with cement, very heavy.

Fingers are constantly tingly like they are asleep.

Could not fall asleep all night. That is unusual only because I have been sleeping much better.

Mid-morn Snack (3am), B/S 73

Couldnt fall asleep, still wanted to eat. Mixed usual black beans and rotel but added can of corn.

Corn stats are 245-7-3.5-45.5-840.

New Mix stats: 622.5 KCal; 29.5g P; 9g F; 287g C; 3,455mg Na.

I added pepper and I thought it was very good. I ate it all because I was enjoying the taste.

I recd a very nice text today, that was uplifting and hopeful. Thank you.

NEED MORE GREENS!

KCal 1,761.5; B/S 123. Still wanted something to eat.

Ate a bowl of soup, 225-5-0-50-1200.


Daily totals: 1,761.5 KCal; 123.5g P; 96.5g F; 592.5g C; 4,955mg Na.